a wedding, and i'm the elephant in the room.
2006-05-08 10:07 a.m.
these ends meet.i am a spectator, thrown out of lives i would have held on to, if holding was right or dear, or had managed to cross my mind. tumult at seventeen means i'll never get to see you again. you've got five years to carry your guilt.
i'll banner wave mine until the ending is in sight, shot-gunning me down aisles i would not have chosen, avenues that i find foreign, to marry up Our Lord in Holy Sacrifice. is this your calling
to leave your sister in the dust as though she's buried? as though she never shared that name with you, as though you
older now, taking picture of women worn out in california, unable to translate beauty from their skin,
as though you
of all people
never told her that you loved her, or kissed her insulted wrists, or whispered and advised her
early on
to leave him, to avoid that great and fearful marriage?
i have woven each of these lines into my hair, a temptation to the birds thats carried me, unready unwilling, into adulthood. i have left my head uncovered in hopes of being seen again, of being visibly revisited, of being so thick that i wake you by remembering. you were not always what you are, and i am the proof of your previous failure. you have only become what you are by avoiding what could fell you.
i am no fodder, i am crystal clear, reception glasses held tight, making my exit, and my darling husband of the ages, his pride rekindled, has taught his friends the meaning of being vengeful, and is dialogued in pictures,
his hands raised to the heaven, calling christ down from the cross so that i might make my new home there, and all of them
my family forgotten
rests assured that their attacks have taught me to be humble, to lower my eyes and walk with steps that shake. praise be for the enemy that they have wanted. praise be for the friendships given just for going under. praise be for the sheep that need no other master.
says the wolf, as stealthily
she leaves.