i can't find myself, recently

2005-07-19 9:26 a.m.

this is the drop off, and distance took it's place in building bridges just to burn them, this story of commitment, that i mailed you promises and you sent me back pictures of your knees bending

don't ask those sort of questions

and lately, i am that much more open about the places i have been, the things i have seen, knowing that the full scope of either area will never be fully breached, so i can

whisper

secrets
in the middle of the country

and we've put ourselves in this position, women, where we suddenly realize that we have been too open, and must shut doors in the faces of the good men that love us, just to create some possession

what do i have if i have nothing?

give me back to the streets that carried me home in the original story, the soft thoughtss of the eighties and their backlighting, now made foreign to believing

was this me?

and i can't get out the real words that were meant to clarify, a disagreement leaves me restating the conversation for weeks, doubling my teeth over in shocking replies, to the more shocking accusations made against me.

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