some legends in between us.
2006-09-02 2:25 p.m.
i want to tell you a story -back when he was a young thing, i stole him (graceful hands and quick)
from the edge of the world, which was
at that time
just coming into focus, and my
big spirit, overwhelming nature, hard heart, lackluster perspective, hopefulness that good was still coming
presented themselves as gifts to him.
(wrongful gifts.)
i had a lamp then, a light the took my conscientiousness
at times, and left me enraged
blinded, spooking voices from doorframes and hallways. i was afraid then, in my loneliness and dying
that the further death was coming - that loss of self
to something
nonexistent, loss of objectivity to perception, loss of ship
to sinking.
i had sailed, many years tied up beside me, to find him
in the face of threat. i had sought him, all wet-haired and waiting in me, all needless pretense (back
in these days, i still lived
in awe, still new fear, so it was a helper to me) - i had fought myself out against sleep
in understanding, had fallen in, ready
to be fallen.
i did not ask, my years of wisdom wound up in me, if he
wished, assumed his faithfulness in calling, met him, hours in between us, work days and allegories, pulled tight
my grasp relentless, there was
no stopping me, my fear and fury wound up, knowing the artfulness of existence, and he
was new, was not ready for me.
i could not notice, that little lantern burning
had my eyes upon it, so i failed him, when i could have been a teacher, i laid to rest what goodness piled between us, and gave myself up, unwitting, to that darkness.