acclimation.
2006-09-02 11:10 a.m.
no substance in the memory, i now siftsideways, uncaptivating - this is loss,
this is choice,
this is recovery of sorts (the present tense), my fingers point out
all directions, and there are
few challenges that come in and make me fearful - i should know fear.
i should be humble.
i should have cast these words far from me before i was sleeping, no use in them, my history
does not portray me, shows only
how my steps knew no loving, only knew
my own lack of resilience, but i
exceed.
i draw forward endlessly.
.
interaction spurns me, comes strange, and i critique
situations, third party, unsure of what to say, until,
comfort, strange places
invite me over, ask
for my name and number. i write them
on the sidewalk - i now live
in public.
.
take to the streets, take rooftops, take the branches and their vantage points, discuss peripheral vision, no body here to hinder, no instance of
atraction. thank whomever we have left for thanking. this is safe.
.
shut down, and disconnect from wanting, so that it is a tangible and trembling, read
into palms, pushed homeward, my little joy and comfort
do not bring what they might once have. after the hurt steps in, i fall to order, fall to protecting
brittle bones from breaking. my poor heart,
though it does not turn,
is now done with loving.