the big prayer.
2006-06-01 9:05 p.m.
one more failure under my belt, i will brag what rights i have leftwill say "there's beauty in the squalor"
will say "this is for the best"
without believing.
i still see the forests. i still see
the trees
gathering together, worried
about what might occur if the wheel
gave itself to turning, if the sky
opened up its mouth
an said a long prayer.
i piled up the youth
outside their houses, in dorm rooms with barred windows
and i called these things successes
because there's safety in numbers, safety in supervision.
lately, if i felt that iconography
could save me, i'd map
god out over my body, but these walls are bare
and baring
teeth as substitutions
for the good i have been wanting, for the good
that is elusive.
purposed by the objects of my affection, by my own endearment to convictions
that i do not quite believe in
i carry this torch lightly, and make these strong decisions
only to regret them, only to wish forgiveness
would leave me infancy
in replace for bitter moments
but i find no reprieve
and that forgiveness goes unnoticed.
i still see the forests, i still see the trees
gathering together, worried
and i am ill at ease.