admission
2005-10-13 5:07 p.m.
i am the color of summer turned to winter, the way skin changes just like the seasons, and scars losesome of their prominence.
forgive me if i've been mistaken
we spend long nights wrapped up in blankets, holding bodies, even though my fire's gone out, his is still burning
ignite me
ignite me
i'm trying
we've learned, by now, that
whispers make better listeners, and we speak
soft voices in the evening
i need you to pay attention
guilt hidden in
the outlines of his pockets
the first time in a year that
i've had nothing for giving
hang my head low, when you think of me
this is my new home
this disease
that creeps through me, soft and intimidating
visions and voices
bruises and avoidance
how long can we pretend
that i'm unchanged
my bones replaced with support beams
some thief in the night christ,
well intentioned to save
has taken what i once had,
and left me
afraid, clinging hard to the mattress
passionless and repentent.
(guilt hides in his pockets
for the first time in a year that
i've had nothing to offer
and i am ashamed.)