let this be my rebellion.
2005-07-12 9:06 a.m.
in the most literal sense, i am listless, disorganized and impulsive (this is extraordinary, for those of you that do not know me)and i am sitting in a cafe writing out conversations, phone calls i have made to various participants. the parents have all the sway, have all the influence.
imagine how hard it is to say no
to say yes
to say, you'll have to make that decision for yourself
and then to document your responses.
you're going to see this in blackand white. you're going to see this out of context. you're going to see this, and without asking questions, you're going to make your assumptions
so, tell me now, what is uncalculated help? what is retribution? what makes moral codes for interaction, howard zinn and professionalism, and it's a segment of society at large to believe that all things are certain
so, relay your decisions to the grand form of order, a wave and a handshake, a smile to the patronizing crowd, that comments on your age
and all they care about
is status
so you are unimpressive.
there is a heirarchy to helping,
ask the wealthy how they've spent their time,
with karma doubling over, bending it's knees
you get what you give
you get recognised unless you're
speechless
in a country of free speech and rapid proclamation
silence is the enemy of pride, except in proud humilty
so, i duck my head and close my eyes
take off the hourly compensation
and go into the streets for peace
go into the places where people are forgotten
work behind the counter in restaurants
making sure to smile
making sure to keep from making eye contact
making sure to
know
my
place
in the great scheme
ultimately, i belong in places such as these
the jobs that no one wants, the neighborhoods
that people are fighting to get out of
that they've been fighting their way out of for centuries
(the signs of poverty)
i belong walking beside highways
living next to drug dealers and college kids
struggling through the next four years
so they can hit it big
start some family traditions
emulate their parents
because these places, they're not going anywhere
because these places, they are forever solid
so, you will find me
ducking my head
close to the sidewalk
shimmying my steps
taking what the world has offered
(and little more)
walking up the stairs to my apartment
in the heat of the summer
and sleeping over doors that cost all of five dollars
so, you will find me
making my bed in the city
cooperating with the government
working hard to go unnoticed
and i will have carved my name into the cement
in a million different places
before i am forgotten
to the full force of these systems.
let this be my rebellion,
that i went quiet and unseen
that i was young and vibrant and unstriving
let this be what brought me peace.