i have given everything
2005-06-09 3:09 p.m.
sordid as it is, we go back to my place. the past few weeks have thinned us down, and we are putting our hands over one another's waists searching for the past. feeling the dip of the present, small rib cage bumps that rise up through the skin. structure. our skeletons showingi tell him about the ways that god has passed through bodies, about raising the dead, about ending where we started, hands to hands, mouth to mouth, heart to heart
just breathing
sordid as it is, we move forward, hands grasping, the dissolution of the self into momentary passion. and after this
he tells me that in the future, he will kiss many other women, and i tell him that it's true, that i've always been realistic
he tells me that he doesn't think he'll last a week without one, and i say it could be tonight, that someone could call after he leaves, and he could be there on a mission of recovery
if you save yourself, you will never have me. if you save yourself, i'll be a distant memory.
(and i say all the things he needs to hear. i convincingly say all of these things.)