only strangers and family.
2006-05-27 3:27 a.m.
these struggles, we have tied ourselves up increating universes,
little subplots in the great picture
and i
get caught up in moments, staring out the window
in traffic
watching the man nex to me, the way that his jaw
sits
not quite slack but open, the muscles, lazy
choosing only to half close it, the way
he doesn't exhale while he's smoking, instead
lets the smoke curl out, take its own course.
later in the day, wander through departments, eat lunch with my mother and think about how much she has grown as a person, think about hopes being fulfilled and flowing back over
coming to welcome me just when the going was good, and i had gotten
accustomed to expecting so little
that this change, the change that i had waited for, now
surprises and scares me,
catches me untrusting.
intimacy in the air, each conversation tries to turn
over on itself, to reveal
motives with fewer words, and i am captivated still
and i am watching, i am unsure, so i tend
to take the wheel, to keep my mouth from certain words, to heed and heel my own concerns.
perfection comes in short outburst, in giving notice
to the powers that protect us, that reel us in and then reject us, in prayerful considerations
in only half believing
so i have brought my childhood, its chronological composure
left for better pastures, and setting better limits i have managed, slipping through the cities
to engage myself in ways i'd never mention, in ways that keep me quiet and awake, making statements and ammendments, regetting my own fortune -
good fortune, you gave me up to humbling, to folding over on the hot streets, my head crowning with the pavement, with the heat and with the movement, calling summer, calling comfort, thankful, ready for praise be, taking one breath after another.