curses.
2006-06-21 5:26 p.m.
directional, i setand settle
and relive those moments. piece by piece,
part by part,
putting them together - chronologically,
this spells out more than i can speak, so i do not tell it in whole, instead,
i fit into into sections, and i pull myself apart
over what has happened, secretly.
coincidental, the pitches of our fever, of our relapses, of our presentations on the harm done, the way
that he has made me to be widow, unable
to carry myself home, reliant on greater forces, on comfortable shoulders, afraid
for all of the misrepresentation i would suffer,
his assurances revisited in
divination, in
his own power over the flesh, in
the gun and in the trigger.
remember this, my friends,
now buried to me, now held
in the thick of their own living, i hope
that you are heavy every time that you think of me, that you recoil on your treachery, on your easy following.
i hope
that you will have no way to find me, will be stranded, that the forgiving god you seek will do me justice, will crown you, cross you, keep your heart from steady beating.
i hope that he, the lover that overtook me, will love you too, will
cover you up in his being, will overtake you, will be the wires and the rings
that keep your fingers fearful, will make you cower in your sleep, will bring you the guilt i've carried, no infedility in me
but still a whore
still a failure
still a sheep.